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Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Friends like what is right for you?

Have friends that make our lives more colorful. As if we did not live alone. Moreover, if we do not have a girlfriend, or when unmarried. The presence of friends is so important for us. Can accompany us when we do not want to be alone. Suppose want to go to the mountains or the beach, also can accompany us when they want to go outside the city.

But with age, increasing the level of education and entering the world of work. Someone will be more selective in choosing friends. There are several factors related to it. Namely because of previous experiences, so that makes a person more cautious about choosing friends. Indeed, everything is subjective based on the thoughts and experiences at fostering friendship.

Through a blog post I want to share with you. Based on personal experience and what was in my own mind. Perhaps with this paper can provide a reference for you a little bit about friendship. Here is my opinion, different types of friends according to the circumstances.

Friends of the job

Friends when one profession or friends corporate office. Friends in the company that we are working to earn an income or salary. Business friend that we work together for financial gain. Co-workers usually meet every day, especially for friends who are still the company work. Often together to work on projects or employment office. Although there are duties and functions of each. But the intensity of meetings very often because it is still in the office or factory.


We'll have a friend or companion to cooperate finish the job. Cooperating office tasks and completing a project. We can co-exist and may share the task of the office so fast project completion. Cover each job and other shortcomings. Mutually discuss and exchange experience in finding solutions and solving work-related problems.


It is very vulnerable and we cannot comfortably work. If met with colleagues who do not match. Meet with coworkers who do not respect us. Maybe he will do everything possible to achieve his ambition and gain points in the eyes of the boss. So sometimes a friend like this reckless tackle on fellow coworkers. Willing to vilify colleagues in front of the boss so that he considered better than others. Or we get a business friend who secretly betrayed us. Violating the initial agreement or act without our knowledge for personal gain. Stifles job actual project is a joint agreement. Then most people will be careful in an environment of coworkers. Or cautious and selective in choosing a business friend.

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Friends school / college 

Namely friends who met when we go to school or college. Our friend while studying and taking education at school or college. Usually parents choose their children's school is so selective. They may control their children related to environmental school friends. Some parents choose a school based on the priorities of the school milieu. Is the situation of the friendship and relations between students conducive.  Is there is often a conflict or raised student fights, brawls and other violence. Then the selection of schools by parents sometimes assessed not only for academic or teaching factors. Do not let our children was ridiculed by classmates friends. Or there is mutual contempt and ridicule among fellow students related economic problems and parental status.


With school friends can learn together, be doing schoolwork together. Can talk to each other to discuss the field of study. Can go to school or college on a motorcycle or a car together. Conducting up the mountain, form a group of music, or biking with a school friend. Form study groups and student group’s environmentalists. Enjoy sports activities such as basketball and soccer outside of school hours.


If we meet with school friends who do not fit or indifferent to us. Usually there is a group or groups ketch that negative connotation. Suppose there is a special group of students from a rich family and officials. That impressed they underestimate the other students who are mediocre economic backgrounds. Or a group of students on behalf of the school authorities. He became dominant in the school with a brute force approach and physical fights. This certainly is not good for education and not good for the environment friendship at school.

Friends interests

Friends when we both have the same interests for a particular purpose. To achieve something together. Eg political organizations friend, companion and friend social movement activists. As a friend in non-governmental organizations or environmentalists and culture. The point of assembly and association with some friends for one purpose. Forming a solid bond that dedication and vision of the organization have a clear mission. Forming the organizational structure as the officials and members based tasks and functions. Each friend shares the role and the work according to their respective functions. Usually this type has a friend along with systematic steps. With such clear goals for the sake of material gain, power, humanitarian mission, the mission of social, educational and other missions


We can move to discuss with our friends in a particular organization. For example, if we engage in social or political organization. Here we can equate perceptions and ideas with friends to achieve goals. Working together with another friend to carry out the vision and mission of the organization.


While they have the same interests but there are loopholes shortcomings. There may be a selfish friend who always justifies his opinion. To be more intelligent, knows better than the others. Value the opinion of a friend of another organization. Or sometimes with a sense of emotion when debate or discussion. Sometimes it happens that the main factor of more interest than just friendship. If there are friends opposite opinion it must be ready to confront the other.

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Friends community

Friends who represents the interests and hobbies of the same as having interest in a particular field or friends set specific professions.  Vintage car community friends, friends of the journalist community, friend’s motocross community, and others. Friends in this community form a group on the basis of the same interests and passions. Conducting and by hobby or favorite activity together. Usually they decide the agenda of the community to determine the time and place of interest.


With friends we share a community of hobby, avocation or profession us. Discuss problems and find solutions related to the community. Suppose the motorcycle community will certainly discuss various issues related to the motor. On the engine, motorcycle parts, motorcycle or on adding speed and more. They will look good and often together because they belong to one community.


Same with another friend, whose name man certainly no shortage. Sometimes there are friends communities that feel better than others. There is a small group who may often distinguish members of the community with one another. Perhaps there is a hint of competition between one another. With the aim of sheer ego or to be seen more powerful than the other members. For example motorcycle community, who feel most good bike. This attitude may make other friends do not respect.

Friend village

Friends came from our neighborhoods and homes in our region. Compatriots so-called neighboring house. Friends like these intensities meet more often. Because the distance between home and the adjacent neighbor friend. But there also were rarely met because of work activities that are often out of town. Friends of the village usually get to know how he is day to day.


We can ask for help if there is something that needs help fast. We can help each instance a neighbor's wedding or engagement. Can each village to visit if there are friends who are sick. We can invite the neighbors to do something for the betterment of the home environment. Together create a green park in the street home. Working together to build a place of worship. Establish a routine that alternates guard for the safety of residents home environment.


It is common, the aroma of competition between friends or neighbors nearby villages. Each other feel richer or of high social status in the eyes of other neighbors. Sometimes there are messages obviously compete eg in buying a car. Or sometimes compete to buy their children toys, with the price of the most expensive or famous product. Also there is a neighbor who likes trouble by sounding loud music volume. Also there is a neighbor that is irreverent with littering thereby disrupting the environment.

Seasonal Friend

That friend when we met in a seasonal activity only. Since we do not often meet and distance apart. Seasonal friends usually meet in a moment alone or activities. But its periodic, regular and there are regular meetings per month or per year. Usually meets when there are office meetings, congresses organization, reunions or meetings annual meeting. Seasonal friends like friends company in one country. What they actually do not know each other, but still under the same umbrella company. They just met at a meeting of its momentum. Or we meet new friends while on holiday visiting somewhere. Or accidentally get acquainted with new friends while riding public transportation such as trains, ships, or aircraft.


There will be a sense of missed since we met not too often. When you meet has a different flavor There is the feeling of wanting mutual contacts and phone or chat via social media. If the match was likely to be a pact to meet again at a later time. Can contact each other again through phone messages or social media. Doing a photo together as recalled memories. Or exchange of goods favorite memory as a form of memory of happiness.


Hard to know each original character because it is not often met. Some are already known for years but a little amount. Seasonal friends usually sometimes do not know when you will meet again. For example, because a friend was going to move to another job or project. Or are no longer to be somewhere when we met for the first time used.

Friends sayHello

Friends are limited to greet each other, just say Hello when they met. So we're not too often meet or accidentally meet somewhere or met at an event. Friends say Hello indeed there is an old friend, but had never met in years. As childhood friends once or friends when we lived in such a place.

But there are people who deliberately want to greet not more. Without the desire to have a chat or get closer to that friend. For example, when met on the street, in the market, at the mall, or in the center of the crowd. After greeting usually immediately resume the activities or affairs respectively.

Similarly, according to my friend about the different kinds of situations and conditions. Who knows you are especially helpful for those who want a relationship of friendship, meet new friends while working, or forming a community of friends. Thanks to meet in the next article ... .see you...

Photographers : Ali Masduki
location : Pacet Mojokerto Indonesia

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Maintain friendships, this is the key


Fostering friendships and relationships are very important. Since we are social beings who need others and others need. Whatever it is, to share, to do something together, do a hobby together, thinking together, joys and sorrows together. But how to build friendships so durable and long lasting? 

Of course everyone has a different way of fostering friendship. All depends on the background of friendship that happens. Here I try to share with you. Trying to write about anything that makes durable and long lasting friendship. In fact, there is a still fostering friendship from children to grandparents. Lasting friendship or friends there is only one. But there having two or more friends that last for decades.

All people have had experiences in friendship. Good friends with classmates, coworkers, friends, business or other friends. Surely we have ups and downs in friendship. There is a long-lasting friendships but some are not last long. Just a story, I had a friend or friends until now had been friends for over 25 years. Of course, maybe you can be much longer than mine. Same with you, during that time we have experienced ups and downs. Ever fought, then reconciled, quarreled again and reconcile. Sometimes a fight just for trivial matters. Sometimes sulking just because unturned phone messages. Some also experience serious problems ego, he hurt with me for some reason. It is all in the art of dynamics or friends.

Here I try to share the experience and what I experienced. Which may, as a provision for you to build lasting friendships?

Mutual sharing

That shares something. The stories, sharing, sharing conditions and situations. Including sharing in the joy and sorrow. Or sharing food or maybe share a cigarette. Sharing in good times and tough times. All of this does seem silly, but effective way to foster friendship. Ego lends each other money anyone in need. If we have money, can be loaned to a friend. Conversely, if he needed money, we lend alternately. Essentially complementary positions who have money and who does not. Suppose our friend again need money for a down payment installments car. So when we had the money, we should lend. Usually when a friend is certainly no interest, and the time period can be conditioned.

Understand shortage

Everyone certainly has its drawbacks, including our friend. So we have to understand the shortcomings of friends. But he also must understand our shortcomings. Example: we have a shortage of friends do not like to watch football stadium. Of course we could not take him to the stadium to watch football. We must understand there are things that we like but he does not like. Understand the shortcomings, for example our friend likes late if invited pact to meet. There are reasons, a traffic jam, finished washing clothes, the motor broke down and others. Because there is such a type of person who is always late when invited to a pact to meet, even we wait until a matter of hours.

Usually a hobby

Usually friends match was when the same hobby had. Because there had the same events and activities. Doing craze and what they like together. Help each other and share interests. Friends of the hobby more comfortable in living. We can do a hobby together at a time. Examples of hobby cycling we can do activities together. Mountain climbing together, around town, or along the edge of the beach. Friend hobby can exchange thoughts and ideas associated with the hobby. Usually a friend of the hobby will be durable because it has the same spirit and desire. Though all is not necessarily because nothing is perfect in this life.

Mutual aid

Help each other if a friend got a problem or are fixing something. Suppose a friend were repairing a car, should help improve although only accompany. Or perhaps accompany him to go to the garage. Helps when he moved house or move to another place. Maybe accommodated in our homes for a few days, until he found a new residence. Mutual help when having difficulty finding a job. If there is a job reference may provide information and drive. Or introduce a friend to a relationship in order to get a job. We can also help a friend to find a mate or girlfriend. Can introduce a friend to a friend other relation. There have been many stories about meetings with girlfriends and wives, which was originally introduced by a friend.

Mutual contacts

Give each other messages via phone, chat, or connect via social media is also important. Because friendship is required each asking for news or contact with each other. However there that must be considered and should not be taken lightly. Do not wait another who is contacted in advance. Or think anyone should send a message or call in advance. Eliminate the feeling selfish or else waiting for news. Everything must mutually take the initiative and just flowed. Alternately ask each other if the news had not seen. Say hello to each other is an important factor to foster friendship. The nature of ego and selfish, or just ask for a phone call away, this ruin friendships. Contacting each other is important; though only greet each other in social media or via telephone messages.


Offsetting means we must be willing to follow the will of friends. Although sometimes we ourselves did not actually match her whim. It's kind of a feeling of sacrifice, but it's good for friendships. Suppose a friend were eating pizza and she would invite meal together. Then it should seek to honor and compensate, even if we do not feel like eating pizza. Although it may not often sacrifice a feeling like this. It is better to be frank, if we do not want when invited. But rejection should be smooth and not resisting violently. But the point is, at times perhaps a little sacrifice to please a friend.

Same position

With friends it should be the same position. Each undue higher or lower than the others. Among them there should not be the most responsible or dominating. Equally as must decide things together. Discuss together in making decisions for our interests and friends. No one wants to always set. Or no one felt always set. Indeed, there is a friend who always succumbs or would just set. But one day it will become a time bomb and ruin friendships. In befriended each should not be styled like a boss. For example, we in the workplace to be a manager and used to give instructions and orders to the employees. Things like that certainly should not be practiced or done to our friend. Later our friend could take offense because he is not your subordinate. But he is friends who has the same position and have the same opportunity.

Natural hard together

Usually lasting friends who have experienced difficult times together. Experienced hard times when living together. Once it was difficult when I was a student. Or have suffered from the current economic difficulties because it has not worked. Never share a meal together in one room. Usually when a friend is a friend who suffered life-tested loyalty. He wanted to accompany the moment we do not have the money and sinking. Friends like this are rare on this earth. Wants to accommodate us when we are powerless. So a friend in difficult times will be remembered all the time. Details story hard times will always be ingrained in the minds. So friends like these that we must defend, not to make her offended or hurt.

Natural happy together

If ever felt hard together of course also have to feel happy together. Ever feel the excitement and happy together. Lest we forget with a friend when we are happy and lots of money. It's called want to be friends and just need a friend really hard times. But turn successful with your friends forgets the past. Instead it would hurt, if there are friends who forget us. He came away as being successful and wealthy, do not even say hello when you meet. When he won important positions in his office, feeling cocky and seemed to not know. Good friend is always remembered in good times and difficult. At the time he was successful or not remains remembered us, and vice avers. Because there is usually no sugar ants. When the rich and successful people claim to friends and want to be familiar with us.

Mutual protection

Mutual protection is also very important for friendship. We must be able to protect him from danger or there may be people who vilify slander him. Instead, he is also doing so. Protect from the evil people who intend or want to harm us. Of course, by maximizing the capabilities and what we have to be able to protect each other. Protect each other in the sense escort and defend if there is a problem or issue. Moreover, if we feel guilty, obliged to defend our friends, or vice avers. Protect each other will provide a sense of security and comfort in friendship, because there are always people beside us.

I think the above are some of the factors that make us stay friends and friends even for decades. Not many people can indeed make friends for decades children and grandchildren. Maybe you can also add some factor about this.

Hopefully we still have friends who durable companion in joy and sorrow. Greetings happy and to meet in the next article about friendship...

Photographers: Arief Febrianto
Location: Bromo Indonesia

Monday, June 20, 2016

Why be afraid to be yourself

Usually people who do not want to be yourself because of insecurity. Besides it can also embarrassment. Yet to be yourself it's very important and key. What are the factors that make people not want to be yourself ?.

Let us now discuss and certainly not too tense. Relaxed and let while coffee or a cup of tea. Previously, I say thank you, you already want to come on my blog. Blogs are simple, but does not reduce my enthusiasm to share the experience with readers. Perhaps you have experienced the same thing with me. In addition, this paper also inspired from the chat with several people.

I asked three friends at random. The question is easy. The first is during this time was already being themselves ? Answer Yes or no. Of the three friends answered emphatically yes.

Continues to my second question. Typically for what reason people are unwilling or reluctant to be yourself ? And the answer may be more than one. Hem…… turns their answers varied. All three had the same reason and also different from each other. Here are some reasons why: Be yourself, like what?

Not confident

A proverb says be yourself because one day people will respect you. So it is very important to be yourself because it deals with dignity and respect. Yet there are people reluctant to commit because of insecurity. No-confidence is a state where an unsure with the ability of self. Do not believe in the potential energy, feelings, and sense of self. If we already do not believe in yourself, and how others can trust us. But there are things we must do to foster self-confidence. 

Later we will discuss this matter in the next article. Example: someone is not confident in the appearance or attire. Certainly he was not comfortable meeting with lots of people and embarrassed. It will affect his attitude, like there was something wrong with her. Though it was just a feeling she was alone. Because the truth is no one is blaming him or vilify him.

Some people feel ashamed of being I. Feeling he was not that great, as good as others. There is insecurity and wants to cover up the circumstances and the actual situation. Shame because it felt worse, smaller or worse than others. Though it was just a feeling in himself alone, not necessarily the other person is thinking or judging like that. Shame also appears that wants to cover up the real situation. Or something that is sometimes unreasonable and without apparent cause. Though we do not do anything, but had retreated in shame. Not willing to risk that may occur. Despite everything must be done to anticipate risks.

So that if something happens we already know how and there are solutions. Example: someone actually has the ability to sing pretty. But he was ashamed to appear in public or crowds. Though he has been training and had asked his friend. And they say his voice was quite nice. But he seemed embarrassed afraid rated spectators ugly and so forth. Though he has not appeared at all. So how could he know his voice ugly in the eyes of the audience?

There are people who are afraid to be yourself. Because the feeling if being yourself would be dangerous and threaten her. Yet the feeling that all is absurd and ridiculous. There are many some fear before one does something. Such as fear of failure that fear when doing something fails. Fear of being wrong, that feeling when doing something wrong later. Though no one is blaming him. How did he say wrong if not gone? Then fear being criticized or judged people. It is usually not mentally strong person to do something for the betterment of himself the fear of being criticized. Though the criticism of others is a form of corrections to us so that we are better or not repeat the same mistakes. 

Although there is negative criticism aimed at overthrowing the mental alone. But ignore them and just smile. Because he might not necessarily be better than us. Examples of our fear of driving the car for fear of crashing and others. Though all should learn first slowly. As we learn to walk first as a child. Everything needs to stage step by step and not directly. We can take courses taught driving a car or ask a friend or relative. Of course, in the field or a quiet place first.

Some people prefer esteem or prestige. Because if it becomes self-esteem will fall or feel prestige. This relates to one's ego. Prestige is a situation where someone has ego to something. As we do not want to come clean with the real situation. As we want to learn to drive a car with our brother. Sometimes brothers feel pride study with her sister. Likewise, when a high school student should be asked about the subjects to elementary school students. Or, as a senior prestige or ego ask the juniors.  

Prestige is a sense in which a person may feel taller, older, more to know, or smarter than others. Crate adage embarrassed to ask astray on the road. If prestige learn to cook and you will not be able to cook forever. The nature of this prestige should be eliminated if we want to be ourselves. Because pride does not make us accept the situation. Because the ego can hinder us to move forward and better.

Covering State 

Sometimes people do not become themselves to cover the situation. Where if done he was afraid everyone will know. For example, a cover up his weakness that he could not swim. So when invited to swim, he always lied to friend. Various reasons appear, such reasons are not feeling well, I am lazier swim, or I do not like to swim. In fact the reason it appeared only because she had covered the actual circumstances that he could not swim. 

Or someone who covered themselves about love for a girl. When asked his friend he did not frankly and claimed not to be interested. One moment he was sorry for the girl turns estimated his friend and became his girlfriend. Then cover themselves are part of do not want to be yourself.

For the sake of money 

Sometimes people do not be yourself for the purpose of money. Suppose a rich but willingly beg. Or there are people who deliberately conceal his true identity for the sake of money. For example someone who is paid to be a person or a stuntman. As a witness, stuntman in the film, became actors and others. In the real world there are people who want to be something for the sake of money. 

Suppose there are people who are willing to get paid to pretend to be an officer or officers. The point is to cover the state he is actually for profit or money. Plays like actor or acting to obtain payment from others. It is also part of do not want to be yourself. That is trying to hide his real identity.

of particular interest 

Some people cover up their identity for the purpose of certain reputation, politics, popularity and so on. If the world of politics we often hear the term imaging, black and other campaigns. If the world of celebrity is no term to engineer an event to raise the popularity. 

Suppose there was a cover artist marriage, for fear of losing fans. Or a politician who closes the case or personal scandal to win the most votes in the election. I do not know how, but people used to call political art.

Photographers: Arief Febrianto
Location: Bromo Indonesia